Not one, not two, not four, but three questions
How can I help my father who's struggling after surgery? Do I need a skincare routine? How can dogs and cats coexist?
My dad is 75 years old. Back in 2020, he was in the ICU for months after a botched surgery where his spleen was cut and taken out, and most of his colon removed. He's back at home, works part-time as a lawyer/consultant, and enjoys his three grandchildren who are all under 5. He's a bit more sluggish, but also just lazy and doesn't put in the effort to maintain his health and longevity. I would think two near-death scares would convince him otherwise, and watching his grandkids grow up would be the best incentive. But nothing seems to stick. IRL conversations and even a letter (and meal plan!) have failed to last too. I know I can only control myself, but I feel like he's surrendering too early and missing out on so much. How would you advise me, or him?
There’s certainly a place for advice and especially advice provided by myself. The testimonials bear this out: “We’re unfamiliar with your little newsletter” [Psychology Today], “Each of our killer whales eats 200 pounds of herring a day” [Sea World]. But there’s a point where advice, even the gold standard I represent, falters. I’m not sure what you could tell your father, unfortunately, but I will suggest something to consider since you didn’t specifically mention it yourself. Rather than being lazy, he might be deeply depressed, still mired in trauma even if he musters a smile or two around his grandkids. Losing his colon was difficult enough physically, and assuming he now uses a colostomy bag, he may also be adjusting to a permanent loss of privacy. And, crucially, all of it only happened because of a mistake. He can’t even process this situation as a necessary quality-of-life sacrifice because it didn’t have to occur at all. I don’t know how long it takes to get past something like that to the extent one does. So maybe his “lack of effort” is actually a lingering mental health issue that might relent if you treat it as such. How, exactly, I’m not sure, but maybe that offers a new framework for approaching him.
I’ve never had much of a skincare routine. I use a facewash before I go to sleep and after I wake up but that’s pretty much it. I recently found out that several of my friends have incredibly intricate skincare routines, using various facewashes, creams, masks, and moisturizers. I’ve never been self-conscious of my face aging or showing signs of wrinkles, but I’m wondering if after a certain age I will be more concerned about that. Should I go through what seems like a pain in the ass amount of effort to adopt my own thorough skincare routine? Also, does the columnist themselves have any skincare tips?
I’m not sure what I have to offer here in terms of actual skincare guidance. That is because my skincare routine consists of applying Suave two-in-one hair/body wash to the entire surface of my body excluding my eyes and tongue. I am either a wise minimalist who’s shrewd enough to see through all the skincare propaganda or a man who will one day wake up with skin the texture of a granola bar. You probably will be more concerned about wrinkles as you get older—I am all too aware that the creases that have begun to creep along my face will eventually be my face itself—but before you resort to a seven-layer dip of moisturizers, maybe consider how things like hydration, reducing your exposure to sunlight, and getting enough sleep can get the job done.
What’s the best way to get a dog and a cat to become friends?
Cats and dogs aren’t really natural enemies, more like roommates with very different ideas about how often shopping needs to be done and what constitutes traumatizing toilet stains. I’d imagine a gradual introduction process is the way to go. Get them used to seeing and smelling each other, and give them both enough space to feel safe before overlapping their environments. If that doesn’t work, consider introducing a common foe to unite them such as a ferret or toddler.